I was riding the bus to work the other day, when a couple of stops later, a middle-aged mom and her teenage son got on board. As they came to sit directly in front of me, it was apparent that they were deep in conversation. I’m not one to eavesdrop, but when I’m sitting in such close proximity, how could I not? It didn’t matter because they were so entranced in their conversation, that those of us in their sphere were totally oblivious to them. As the bus rolled along, their conversation rallied back and forth between seriousness and laughter.
In my mind’s eye, I’m transported back in time to when this mother held her newborn son in her arms for the first time. And then there were the times when, as a child, he would take a tumble and scrape his knees. She would dart over to where he lay, pick him up and kiss away his tears. She’ll never forget that first day when he started school. Oh, how she cried when he finally boarded the school bus. As he progressed through school, she would sit with him for hours helping him with his homework. Then, later on, she bought him a wagon and accompanied him on his first paper route. Boy, was he ecstatic when he received his first pay cheque! As he grew, he remembers suddenly starting to feel awkward but somewhat intrigued being around girls. His mom reassured him that this was perfectly normal and that soon he would learn to actually like and become interested in them. And who could forget his prom night? My, how handsome he looked all dressed up in a suit. She couldn’t have been more proud of him. At that point, she leaned in, kissed him on the cheek and whispered, “now remember, son, treat her like a lady.” Grinning, he promised to be a perfect gentleman.
The bus suddenly came to a sudden stop and immediately I was jolted back into my morning commute. The young man stood up in preparation to exit at the next stop. He informed his mother that he would be home in time for dinner. They exchanged smiles and then parted ways. I smiled to myself thinking that this mother obviously did something right in raising her son. Though privy to their ramblings, I was more intrigued by their connection to one another. I was captivated by their relationship. How refreshing this was to witness in contrast to a society where so many kids are disconnected from their parents. I have to conclude that this disconnectedness is due to a great lack of communication between parents and children. I’m almost certain that that mother did everything she could to keep an open line of communication to her son. It was evident in the way they respected each other. This leads me to believe that communication is the key to staying connected. Sadly, in many homes, this line of communication and that sense of being understood have been obstructed. How is this obstruction created? When we send the signal to our kids, knowingly or unknowingly, that we are too busy for them or don’t have time to actually stop and listen to what they’re saying, we build a dam that blocks the flow of communication. As life’s pressures mount from internal and external forces, we become edgy, irritable and short-tempered. This feeds into our kids’ lives, feeling unwanted, unloved and unimportant. I understand that we all have those “busy” days but these should be the exception rather than the rule! How can we get so busy with life that we neglect the most important treasures of our lives – our kids? If we don’t turn this around, they will eventually become disconnected from us. And we wonder why they don’t listen to us, they don’t respect us and even resent us. If not from us, they will, inherently, seek to find their identity and self-worth elsewhere – often in all the wrong places.
As parents, we are so quick to quote Ephesians 6:1, “children obey your parents,” while we gloss over verse 4 of this same chapter in which Paul admonishes us to “…not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.” (New Living Translation Bible) If we exasperate them, we run the risk of severing our connection to them by leading them to discouragement. Who wants to communicate with someone who always shuts you down? In raising our kids, we are to be motivated by the love that God extends to us as His children. We should treat them with the same unconditional love and acceptance that we are shown by Christ. If we model this, our children will find what they need from us and will want to stay connected to us. They will foster a healthy perspective and understanding of what Christ is like. Make every effort to stay connected and let God use you to be a conduit for your kids to link to their heavenly Father.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Joe Di Francesco is the Music Review Columnist for Beautiful One Magazine. A professional singer, music writer and worship leader, he also works as a freelance writer, with work published in a number of Christian music magazines.
