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….. We finally relented and bought her one – a used one off of craigslist. One can never be sure what will be a passing fad. I can’t help it if my genetics predispose me to a bit of skepticism. We were the last one on the block to get a microwave, the second to the last one’s to get a PC, the third to the last one’s to get cell phones and my mom just got her ears pierced last year – she is 82! We get there – it just takes us a while!
I remember the days when music came from the family stereo cabinet complete with an am/fm radio and a turntable. We all listened to the same music and our parents had the ability to monitor everything. I do have to confess there was a time in my life when my mom began leaving me at home by myself that I would sneak over and tune in the local secular music station. I would be so nervous that I would sit at the window to watch for her return and then dash over to reset the station to her favorite one. The first time I did this I made the horrible mistake of not checking exactly which station that was! To this day I am sure it is a mystery to her how that dial got changed! Nowadays our family can be in the same car and never know what the person next to us is listening to. I suppose we could go a very long time and not know what each other is listening to. This can be a blessing – I am sure my music could potentially drive those cute little teeny-boppers crazy! But it can also be a curse – there is a lot of music out there that can be negative and detrimental.
We can’t turn back time on technology so our goal has to be a healthy positive approach to our teens and their music selection. Capturing our teen’s hearts by bringing timeless Biblical truths into today’s world is a great philosophy to start with. This is no time for fear-based parenting or ‘avoid it and it will go away’ parenting. The authoritarian thing may work on the outside but my question is always what’s going on when I am not looking or shall we say listening?
Capturing our teens’ hearts…
This is your starting point in being able to handle and direct your teen’s behavior. Holding their heart means that they trust me and my love for them. They are able to talk to me and share not only facts but feelings as well. This is not an easy place to get to. There are times that my teens share openly and candidly about all sorts of things, then there are times when they seem to be closed off and superficial, even testy. This is normal. But the goal for our teens is not normal; it’s to be far above normal! My place as a parent is to show my interest in them, listen without judgment, love them unconditionally, and believe in their ability to make right choices for the amazing future that is in front of them. The key here is to do this when there is no issue at hand. When things are good grab them and hug them if they will let you! Speak life into them. Play with them – get down where they are and interact with them. Be sure not to lose your ‘cool’ though – embarrassment is a huge issue to our kids so be careful to not make that fatal mistake!!!
…by bringing them timeless Biblical truths…
We always have to keep in mind the difference between preference and truth. In many churches, especially 50 years ago, electric guitars and drums were considered sinful. Right along with earrings, movie theaters and make-up. This was partly because sin was associated with these things, and rightly so. The problem was that we mixed fear and preference in with a bit of truth and we had a potential for a culturally irrelevant church with a lot of ‘rebellious’ members that we had to watch over! We have since found out that ‘movies’ are not sin. Some movie content breaks God’s laws and would be at the very least a terrible compromise of our Godly walk to take part in them. But other movies are great, inspiring us towards better things. The same is true in music. We have to instill basic biblical truth to discern what is sin, what is wrong influence and what we would just not prefer to listen to.
Here are just a few key truths.
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Follow God and His righteousness and you will be blessed
‘Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord…He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither, Whatever he does prospers.’ Psalms 1:1-3
We base a lot of our parenting on this truth. Great things come from obeying God. Does this song/artist obey God or does it encourage me to disobey God?
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Godliness brings life, evil brings death
‘The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God.’
A great measuring stick for entertainment of any type is - if it leads to life, peace and an uplifted heart, OR on the other hand, does it encourage depression, anger, hatred or death?
Your thoughts establish who you will become
‘Finally brothers, whatever is TRUE..PURE..LOVELY…ADMIRABLE… EXCELLENT… think on these things.’ Phillipians 4:8
Are the thoughts in this music going to lead me towards truth, purity and excellence?
…into today’s world.
We have to stay relevant. We have to know what gadgets our teens are into, how to use them and be able to check up on what they have loaded on their devices. My teens understand that I will ask them to show me their play list at anytime. They are used to it and actually welcome the accountability. If your teens aren’t quite there yet – keep working on that heart thing. Keep bringing them to the Biblical truths that should govern their thoughts. Pray for them fervently that their hearts would desire right things.
Keep at it and you will win. Who knows, maybe the next time you see me I just might have those funny little ear things in so I can be listening to my latest play list on my new whachamacallit!
Author: The daughter of Guatemalan missionaries, Joel Wolfe became her father’s namesake after he was killed in an airplane accident while on the mission field. With a B.A. in Biblical Studies, she and her husband, Dwain, with whom she has four children, pastor the church they pioneered in Fife, Washington, where she leads the fine arts department and women’s ministries.
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